Monthly Archives: August 2020

The Importance of Heroes

As Humans we need some form of connection, a tangible link that marries our inner monologue with the outer dialogue of wider societal discourse. One of the most valid and important forms of connection is another human, someone who speaks to us, whose views we can subscribe to and are encoded in such a way that they are compatible with the operating system that is our very consciousness. Through these people we are able to reach out and experience and even immerse ourselves in topics and important issues that might otherwise be a closed system to us.

As an (I guess) middle-aged, white male, the subjects of feminism, race, inequality, social injustice, and many other issues which (for some at least given current circumstances) are ones that I am just not physically, emotionally or culturally equipped to ever be able to experience. How can I understand these? I can’t live them, no matter how far I dial up my WOKE-OMETER. My engagement in topics and areas such as these can only ever be at an intellectual level. I can read articles, listen to pod-casts, watch documentaries, speak to relevant actors in this tragedy that is human life – but I can never EXPERIENCE them myself given the current biased structure of our society. Even being intimately connected to those who can and do experience them – my reactions, my thoughts, feelings and outrage – they can only be born from a kind of self-centred reaction, how it makes ME feel to see THEM suffer, how it frustrates and angers ME, how I am powerless to help, act, affect change.

As humans, we are MALEABLE creations. Our minds retain some properties of neuroplasticity throughout our lives, no matter how old we are, no matter how ingrained our experiences, ideologies and pre-conceived notions are – we can always change. You’re never too old to LEARN, to be EDUCATED. But, in the very concrete absence of the ability to actually FEEL – no matter how well-intentioned, we cannot.

That’s where these HEROES come in. And there are so many of them. People who can speak to us, who can tell their story, to EDUCATE us in UNDERSTANDING what it’s like to FEEL. It’s not the same as FEELING ourselves, but it can be a very useful and relevant analogue, to sow the seeds of change and nurture them and help them BLOOM into tools which we CAN use to understand, which we CAN use to affect change. It is only in attempting to UNDERSTAND the nature of a thing that you can then begin to see the part YOU play in defining the parameters of that thing.

It doesn’t matter how removed you feel you are, how distant – there is no distance that is great enough that abstracts you far enough from a situation to the extent that your actions – or lack thereof – have no effect. According to Chaos Theory, they say “a butterfly flaps its wings in the Amazonian jungle, and subsequently a storm ravages half of Europe”. While inherently untrue from a cause-and-effect point of view, the sentiment behind it resonates true when re-framed against the “nothing to do with me, mate” mindset of cultural abstraction. Take the issues of race, or feminism as an example; it should be perfectly valid to say that one is anti-racist, or pro-women’s rights. Indeed, these should be the default-mode of a rational and informed mind – and I think that no matter how the wider media portray their take on the default-mode mindset of human nature, this is in actual fact just an amplification and an attempt at justifying a vocal minority for the sole purpose of gaining CLICKS.

The current ideological standard seems to be one of polarisation, which is a drum I have banged on many times before. We, as a global inter-connected society SEEM to require strict and perfect adherence to a rigid mindset where the margin for error is close to zero. The reality, however, is that with such complex psycho-social systems such as ours there is no such thing as BINARY. Be it the biological facts of sex, the overwhelming representation of political ideas being framed as left and right, or right and wrong – the REALITY is that everything can (and should) be viewed as a spectrum. There is no digital, reality is a fundamentally analogue construct and only appears digital when viewed from certain perspectives. It is through a lack of UNDERSTANDING and an inability to connect deeply with a thing and extrapolate upon these perspectives that they are taken out of context and stamped into peoples minds as a true and fair view on an objective reality. Then what you find is these views form the basis of a new subjective reality in ones mind and embed themselves to such a high affinity that they override the objective truths as defined by those who actually live them.

Only a HERO can break this fallacy, only an individual so fundamentally rooted in the ground-truth of a thing, one who has such mastery of the tools needed to articulate and re-frame the conversation in a way that resonates so strongly with the misinformed that it shatters their subjective reality to the core. These people, these HEROES are the real mechanisms of change. And they are everywhere, unheard voices just waiting for a platform on which they can be heard if we can but listen. So if you find one, shout it from the roof tops, help their message find an audience, no matter how small – for as they say, sometimes it just takes one butterfly to change the world.

The New Normal

“Hi! Er, is my audio working? Hello?”

“Hi, yeah, I can hear you, can you hear me?”

“Sorry, damn thing, hold on… just a second, I’ve got this…”

“I can hear you fine, I think it’s working-“

“Er, just a sec, let me… there! Can you hear me?”

“Hello! Yes, I could hear you the whole time, I-“

“No, still not working, you must think I look like a right idiot, flapping away like a mime! Not that you can hear me, I could be saying anything right now, making a right bloody fool of myself, blah blah blah what a tit bollocks this shitty computer…”

“Yeah, I can, like, hear everything you’re saying, really, maybe if I do the whole jazz hands like this? No? You have no idea. Fuck me, this is… wow 10/10 would CoronaDate again, Jesus Christ-“

“Oh! Hi! Sorry, what was that? Oops! I just had the volume turned down! Please don’t say you could hear me this whole time!?”

“Hey! Woohoo, finally – no, couldn’t hear a word, can now – wow, what a beautiful voice you have, you-“

“Ha ha! Thank god, for a second there I- oh sorry I just spoke-“

“Er, never mind, I was on-“

“-over you, sorry, you go first, what were you saying?”

“Um, no, it’s fine, I was just saying I love your voice, it’s nice to put a voice to your messages, it’s refreshing to not just hear myself reading them in my head – it’s music to my ears”

“Aw! That’s so sweet! Isn’t it weird doing this over video? I mean, is this what it was like in the olden times when you had to write letters to each other?!”

“Um, no…? I think that was a bit different…”

“Yeah, I guess, I mean, we didn’t have to wait for a reply, yeah?! How mad would that be, having to actually write? Haha! Don’t know what I’d do without predictive text haha!”

“Yeah, must’ve been pretty crazy back then, no Tinder or whatever.”

“Tinder? God! That rot! That’s like a cattle market for humans, misogynistic bag of shi- er, vile piece of software.”

“Haha, ha, yeah, it’s pretty stereotypical of society right now, you’d never find me putting myself on display like that…”

“Yeah, you seem like a pretty sweet and sensible guy, that’s one of the things that I liked about your profile, I loved that you included a link to your blog, gives a real insight into you as a person.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I thought – I mean, yeah, I like to think I present a pretty genuine view of myself, what you see is what you get, and all that – not to say that there isn’t more to me than what you see, I’m pretty complex to be honest, but er, yeah I can relate to people you know? Like to think I’m ‘true’”

“Aw, yeah, that’s what I value most about a person, like, how true they are to themselves, I think it really reflects on how they see others. I don’t want to have anything to do with people who aren’t true to themselves, you know? If you can’t be true to yourself, then how can you be true to those around you? I mean, you don’t ‘know’ someone, anyone, until you know them, yeah? And if they don’t know themselves, then how can they know anyone else who isn’t them? I mean, yeah, sorry, I’m rambling, I haven’t done this before – can you believe this is my first time remote dating? Crazy! Right?”

“Yeah, same, is pretty nuts. Weird meeting someone on purpose, completely sober, is like a whole new world…”

“Hahahahaha, yeah, er, ‘sober’, sure, totally, I get what you mean – no ice-breakers, hey?”

“Haha, no, just us, as we are, ‘true’…”

“Yeah, so… Um, what you been up to? In this whole period, I mean, er, you been working? Furloughed?”

“Um, no, I’ve been pretty full-on to be honest, no rest for the wicked, as they say! You?”

“Totally, yeah, I’ve been mad busy… I mean, um, yeah pretty hectic at work, I’m pretty important… lots of people needing me, needing help and all that, pretty crazy…”

“So… yeah, I guess you must be looking forward to actually seeing someone, in the flesh, like, to feel actual human contact….?”

“Um, yeah? I guess, like, sure thing, that personal contact is pretty important, sure but, er, I actually quite like this ‘new normal’, I mean – like there’s so many things and ways that we can express ourselves, isn’t it great that we can meet someone without all the baggage of ‘knowing’ and pre-conceived conceptions, kind of like a blank slate of mediation, we are who we are and you can be who you are… “

“Sure, that’s pretty cool, I love the discovery, finding out who someone is, it’s kind of like an adventure, a more meaningful connection than just hooking up in a bar, like… hello? I think you’ve frozen? Er, hi”

“Shit, it’s gone again. Fucksake. Bloody thing. Jesus Christ what’s the point.”

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Calling Card

Alice’s footsteps echoed about the deserted corridor, the uneven tap-tap-tap of her heels creating a staccato rhythm that only added to the fuzziness and confusion she felt. Stumbling, she reached out a hand to steady herself against the wall, cursing as pain shot through her battered wrist. Christ, she was a mess – bleeding from multiple contusions and disorientated from a likely concussion, the six metres to her apartment felt more like 600. After what felt like an hour she finally reached the door and fumbling with the keys she half fell through the entrance. This was not her, it was telling of how bad that last assignment had gone. She nearly hadn’t made it out alive this time.

Reaching for the hallway light switch she reflexively made to fall to one side as a brief, bright flash of light and a muted crack startled her to action. Realising that it was just a blown bulb and feeling like a idiot, she kicked out with her left foot, slamming the front door shut behind her. She just needed to make it to the bedroom – or even the couch – so she could crash. No, actually, kitchen first. She needed a drink, something hard. Catching her reflection in the full-length mirror in the hall she grimaced. Yes, she was indeed a mess. How the hell was she going to explain this to Adam? Thank God he was out of town for a few days. Things had been getting serious between them lately and it was getting harder to keep her double life – her true life – from him. Most of the damage was superficial and the rest she could probably get away with putting down to a tumble down the apartment block stairs.

After pouring herself a generous measure of Scotch (two, actually) and mostly downing it in one swallow she pivoted and limped towards the master bedroom, flicking on the light. The crash of the Whisky tumbler shattering on the hard tile floor startled her from her frozen state. There, laying far from innocently on the blood-red sheets of her super-king size bed was a single, white rose. To anyone else, this would be a mysterious, likely romantic gesture. To someone such as Alice, it was something else. This was the calling card of Vincent Valentino. Mob-boss, crime-lord of the City of Sin. This was a sign, a warning, a promise. You are marked, it said, we know who you are, we know it was YOU. We are coming for YOU. Mind foggy from the earlier blow to her head and the whisky that had just warmed her now stone-cold guts, Alice began to panic.

“Shit. Shitshitshit,” she gasped out loud, “Not good, this is NOT good-”

Suddenly realising that whoever placed the rose could still be there she span around, eyes darting about the spacious apartment, ears alert for the faintest sound, anything that seemed out of place. She reached to the pistol strapped to the small of her back with one hand and the bowie knife that was still stained with the drying blood of Valentino’s top Lieutenant in it’s sheath under her shoulder with the other. Feeling a little more steady on her feet now, thanks to the adrenaline rush brought about by the threat of impending death she made a careful circuit of the apartment, checking each room and potential hiding place for an intruder. When she was done, she did it again. No-one was there, nothing was out of place, everything as she had left it – other than that damn rose. Satisfied that she was alone, she sheathed her knife but kept hold of the pistol, clutched loosely but securely in her right hand.

Whatever was going to happen was going to happen soon. Valentino would not leave time enough between his warning and enacting his revenge to allow her to make an escape. No, she had to be prepared to deal with the situation now, which was not something she wanted to do, especially given her current mental and physical state.

A sudden, subtle noise grabbed her attention, the faint metallic scraping of a key in a lock. Someone was carefully attempting to open the front door. Padding closer to the hallway on bare feet (she had kicked off her shoes earlier before searching the apartment) she took to one knee, body partially shielded by the protrusion of the breakfast counter that separated the open-plan kitchen-come-diner. Levelling her pistol at the door out of the apartment she started to breath shallow, controlled breathes. Slowly the door cracked open, easing wider inch by inch, the faint creaking of the heavy hinges barely audible over the deathly silence that hung in the air. Eventually, after what felt like an age it opened wide, revealing the silhouette of a tall person, long tubular-like object held in one hand.

Alice didn’t have time to think, the blood was rushing to her head, heart hammering loud in her ears, adrenaline pumping. She felt faint, stars seemed to play across her vision and a distant ringing whined in her ears. A familiar sound. The figure jerked backwards and fell to the floor, a scattering of objects tumbling from his grasp. She had fired – when? She didn’t remember, body working on auto-pilot, brass casings falling, slowly, to the floor. A double-tap, her training so ingrained in her that it had just taken over. Recognition. Realisation. She leapt to her feet and sprinted the few strides to the fallen figure, bare feet scattering white roses that littered the floor. Eleven of them, in the back of her mind, she knew there were eleven, the purity of their beauty stained with the red of blood. Adam’s blood. He lay on the tiled floor, gasping his last breath, confused eyes staring up at her. He was the only person she had ever let get close to her. And she had killed him.

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Face Your Fears

Fear seeped from the Humans aura, a steady trickle that had so far remained relatively constant. The Thing tasted it, breathing it into every pore of it’s hideous, deformed body. It liked the taste, but still wasn’t sure it was Right. There was something off about it, something that the Thing could not quite place. An undercurrent of bitterness that existed on the very edge of the sweet, complex notes that made up the bleed-off of emotions. Feeding had been becoming increasingly difficult of late, with ever longer periods between hibernations as the Thing slowly matured over the decades that passed. It wasn’t too far off now, just a few more cycles before it reached full maturity. Then it wouldn’t have to hide in the shadows, then it could leave this crippled form and achieve it’s true potential – to take on a Human host, to carry on it’s immortal existence in one of those beautiful meat-suits, to take part in all the depravities afforded by the Human condition, released from the requirement to sleep for so long after a period of Feasting. The last few cycles had seen so much change – not like before, in the Early Time. Now, every time it awoke from it’s slumber it was like awakening into a completely different world. The wilderness of old had been almost entirely replaced by monstrous jungles of concrete, metal and glass – and the Humans! There were so many of them, they were everywhere, stacked upon each other in a literal sense, living in fortified towers of shining surfaces and lights so bright that they caused the Thing much pain if it entered into their influence.

At first the Thing had been excited and for a time the abundance of prey had sent the Thing into a feeding frenzy. It gorged itself fat on their essence and flesh, grew complacent. Then one day after a particularly long sleep it had awakened into one of those concrete jungles. When it had tried to feed on the first Human it found, the unthinkable had happened. The Human fought back, as they are sometimes able to do, but this time it HURT the Thing and the prey had got away. The Thing was forced to retreat back to it’s lair, to nurse the wounds made by the weapon that called upon thunder and fire to rend it’s very flesh. That cycle had been the first time that the Thing had tasted it’s own fear, a bitter acrid taste that caused it to convulse in pain as it found itself in a near-fatal feedback loop as it uncontrollably drank in it’s own fear and through it it’s very essence. It was only through a supreme force of will that the Thing was able to break out of this act of auto-cannibalism. As it lay there, weak, vulnerable and on the verge of actual death it feared that this cycle would be it’s last, that it would never fulfil the ultimate goal. If it wasn’t for the vagabond that stumbled into the Thing’s lair looking for shelter then it could very well have been the end, but the resultant feast had brought the Thing back from the brink and from then on it had grown cunning and changed the parameters of the Hunt. Now the Thing stalked it’s prey, taking it’s time, maintaining a total awareness of it’s surroundings at all times and only striking when it was sure of the Humans capabilities, when the prey was isolated from the chance of help.

This was such a time. The Thing had stalked it’s prey for many hours, keeping to the shadows, learning the hunting ground. It could feel the time approaching, the time that it would strike. Yes, that time was near. In fact, that time was now.

As the prey took one last turn further into the concrete maze the Thing could sense the isolation. The prey had led the Thing far away from all the other countless souls whose concentration shone out bright to it’s senses, a banquet of forbidden fruit almost tempting enough to risk it’s end. As the Thing slid around the corner, it’s presence an inky blackness, a living shadow, it saw the prey standing still in the middle of the alley with it’s back turned. The Thing took another taste, inhaling the sweet, sweet aroma of fear and took another step. Suddenly it sensed something was wrong – the prey was not responding like all the other countless souls it had fed upon. The fear was not increasing. These Humans always had an unconscious response to it’s presence, they somehow sensed when the Thing was near and the resultant increase in fear and dread was exquisite. This Human however did not – in fact, the Thing realised that the opposite was happening, the fear had gone, snuffed out like the light of a candle flame in a sudden breeze. Only a few paces away now, the Thing stopped, an unwelcome feeling of uncertainty freezing it in place. What was happening? It had never encountered a thing such as this before. The sudden urge to flee shot through it’s muscles and flesh like a bolt of lightening and it let out a low, guttural growl, breaking any existing illusion of stealth. Before it could turn away to escape the taste of fear came back, this time strong and almost overwhelming. But… It tasted different, still enticing but… Intentional, it was almost as if the Human was able to control the bleed-off of emotions, as if the Human had led the Thing here. Realisation dawned on the Thing. Right here in this alleyway, the tables had been turned. It was no longer the hunter. The Human was the hunter and it was the prey.

A slow, sharp scraping sound came from where the Human stood and long, wicked looking blades slid out of the sleeves of it’s long trench coat. The blades were black, as dark as the blood that ran through the veins of the creature itself, what little light afforded by the moon overhead glinting off the silver runes inscribed into their lethal length.

Slowly, the Human turned, arms held slightly out from it’s sides, the wicked blades held in a casual grip that spoke of a confidence and proficiency that the Thing had never before encountered in prey. The Human carefully and deliberately raised it’s head, piercing eyes locking with the Things own. The fear had once again gone, it’s departure leaving an unfeeling void that further unnerved the Thing. The corner of the Humans mouth turned up in a wicked grin that almost equalled the promised lethality of the blades which it held.

“It’s time,” the Human said, the calmness in it’s voice sending a tremor down the twisted spine of the Thing. Raising the blades straight out from it’s sides, the Human leapt.

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