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Face Your Fears

Fear seeped from the Humans aura, a steady trickle that had so far remained relatively constant. The Thing tasted it, breathing it into every pore of it’s hideous, deformed body. It liked the taste, but still wasn’t sure it was Right. There was something off about it, something that the Thing could not quite place. An undercurrent of bitterness that existed on the very edge of the sweet, complex notes that made up the bleed-off of emotions. Feeding had been becoming increasingly difficult of late, with ever longer periods between hibernations as the Thing slowly matured over the decades that passed. It wasn’t too far off now, just a few more cycles before it reached full maturity. Then it wouldn’t have to hide in the shadows, then it could leave this crippled form and achieve it’s true potential – to take on a Human host, to carry on it’s immortal existence in one of those beautiful meat-suits, to take part in all the depravities afforded by the Human condition, released from the requirement to sleep for so long after a period of Feasting. The last few cycles had seen so much change – not like before, in the Early Time. Now, every time it awoke from it’s slumber it was like awakening into a completely different world. The wilderness of old had been almost entirely replaced by monstrous jungles of concrete, metal and glass – and the Humans! There were so many of them, they were everywhere, stacked upon each other in a literal sense, living in fortified towers of shining surfaces and lights so bright that they caused the Thing much pain if it entered into their influence.

At first the Thing had been excited and for a time the abundance of prey had sent the Thing into a feeding frenzy. It gorged itself fat on their essence and flesh, grew complacent. Then one day after a particularly long sleep it had awakened into one of those concrete jungles. When it had tried to feed on the first Human it found, the unthinkable had happened. The Human fought back, as they are sometimes able to do, but this time it HURT the Thing and the prey had got away. The Thing was forced to retreat back to it’s lair, to nurse the wounds made by the weapon that called upon thunder and fire to rend it’s very flesh. That cycle had been the first time that the Thing had tasted it’s own fear, a bitter acrid taste that caused it to convulse in pain as it found itself in a near-fatal feedback loop as it uncontrollably drank in it’s own fear and through it it’s very essence. It was only through a supreme force of will that the Thing was able to break out of this act of auto-cannibalism. As it lay there, weak, vulnerable and on the verge of actual death it feared that this cycle would be it’s last, that it would never fulfil the ultimate goal. If it wasn’t for the vagabond that stumbled into the Thing’s lair looking for shelter then it could very well have been the end, but the resultant feast had brought the Thing back from the brink and from then on it had grown cunning and changed the parameters of the Hunt. Now the Thing stalked it’s prey, taking it’s time, maintaining a total awareness of it’s surroundings at all times and only striking when it was sure of the Humans capabilities, when the prey was isolated from the chance of help.

This was such a time. The Thing had stalked it’s prey for many hours, keeping to the shadows, learning the hunting ground. It could feel the time approaching, the time that it would strike. Yes, that time was near. In fact, that time was now.

As the prey took one last turn further into the concrete maze the Thing could sense the isolation. The prey had led the Thing far away from all the other countless souls whose concentration shone out bright to it’s senses, a banquet of forbidden fruit almost tempting enough to risk it’s end. As the Thing slid around the corner, it’s presence an inky blackness, a living shadow, it saw the prey standing still in the middle of the alley with it’s back turned. The Thing took another taste, inhaling the sweet, sweet aroma of fear and took another step. Suddenly it sensed something was wrong – the prey was not responding like all the other countless souls it had fed upon. The fear was not increasing. These Humans always had an unconscious response to it’s presence, they somehow sensed when the Thing was near and the resultant increase in fear and dread was exquisite. This Human however did not – in fact, the Thing realised that the opposite was happening, the fear had gone, snuffed out like the light of a candle flame in a sudden breeze. Only a few paces away now, the Thing stopped, an unwelcome feeling of uncertainty freezing it in place. What was happening? It had never encountered a thing such as this before. The sudden urge to flee shot through it’s muscles and flesh like a bolt of lightening and it let out a low, guttural growl, breaking any existing illusion of stealth. Before it could turn away to escape the taste of fear came back, this time strong and almost overwhelming. But… It tasted different, still enticing but… Intentional, it was almost as if the Human was able to control the bleed-off of emotions, as if the Human had led the Thing here. Realisation dawned on the Thing. Right here in this alleyway, the tables had been turned. It was no longer the hunter. The Human was the hunter and it was the prey.

A slow, sharp scraping sound came from where the Human stood and long, wicked looking blades slid out of the sleeves of it’s long trench coat. The blades were black, as dark as the blood that ran through the veins of the creature itself, what little light afforded by the moon overhead glinting off the silver runes inscribed into their lethal length.

Slowly, the Human turned, arms held slightly out from it’s sides, the wicked blades held in a casual grip that spoke of a confidence and proficiency that the Thing had never before encountered in prey. The Human carefully and deliberately raised it’s head, piercing eyes locking with the Things own. The fear had once again gone, it’s departure leaving an unfeeling void that further unnerved the Thing. The corner of the Humans mouth turned up in a wicked grin that almost equalled the promised lethality of the blades which it held.

“It’s time,” the Human said, the calmness in it’s voice sending a tremor down the twisted spine of the Thing. Raising the blades straight out from it’s sides, the Human leapt.

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Again

To obsess is to play a dangerous game. That’s what I don’t get about her, she’s seems to smart and down-to-earth. I’d say her sensibleness is second only to her beauty. That’s another thing, I don’t get why she’s so “in to” me. I mean, I’m fairly normal – as far as “normal” goes, don’t think I’m particularly attractive. Personally I’d call myself “unassuming”.

But she does seem to notice me all the time, wherever I am. Like just today, she noticed me in the coffee shop. She noticed me on the street outside afterwards, and then again in the department store. She even noticed me on the subway, and this time I made sure I was a good car-length away. I’d even worn a different hat. Still, she saw me, and gave me that “look”. It’s so exciting! Makes me tingle all over, gets my heart beating like it’s dancing a quick step. At least she hasn’t yet noticed that I’ve moved into the apartment block across the street, which is good as our windows are literally opposite each other on the same level. Hope it lasts, gives me some privacy, finally! If I make sure the living room light is off and I stay quite still while I watch her, maybe it will last?

It never has, though. Sometimes it gets so bad I have to move, again. Last time, though, it did get pretty intense. This one might be different, who knows? Maybe it’ll calm down, maybe her obsession with me will pass, and I’ll be able to again watch without her noticing. I hope so. Last time I had to make it stop. I’d rather not move city again, though, I quite like it here.

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A Future Foretold

I didn’t ask for this. I don’t want this. Do I deserve this? How am I supposed to know? No one asked me, no one gave me an option, I had no say in it. Yet it’s what I do. Every day. What I’m ‘good’ at. What I’m ‘supposed to be’. What I’m ‘designed’ to be.

I raise my hand, long, elegant finger extended to press the buzzer. What would happen if I didn’t? If I just walked away? No, that would be no good, it wouldn’t be enough to protect her. To save her. Has anyone actually ever tried? I don’t know. I don’t think so. Well, how would I know anyway, it’s not as if anyone ever has it would be advertised. Sure, things go wrong from time to time, the wrong decisions made, needing correction. But not to me. No, I’m too ‘good’, I don’t make ‘mistakes’.

It gnaws at my mind. The options, such that they are. Everything I’d have to do to not do. Every step, every decision, every deception. It wouldn’t end here, today. It would continue, for years – decades. Life. Not just mine, hers. On and on and on and on. Every day. Would it be worth it? Would she want it? Would she thank me? I don’t care about that, I’m no narcissist. I’m just old. Old and tired.

When I was younger, when I was fresh and new, naïve to the ways of this world – I enjoyed this. I was excited. I was making a real difference, you know? And I was good! I really was – well, am, but I didn’t realise then to what extent. Every assignment gave me a thrill, a purpose. At the end of each day – every one – I clocked off, happy, exhilarated, even. The world was getting better, and I played a part in making it so.

Then the assignments changed. Slowly at first. This was the intent of course, but it took me a while to realise. I think the idea was that the further you go down this path the more you change, the subtle shifts in focus, the content of the work, it’s designed to numb. To chip away at your very soul. I’ve seen it, hundreds of times. All of my peers, there’s something about them, something missing. They smile, laugh, joke around and do all the things that ‘normal’ people do – but there’s a deadness there, you can see it in their eyes, hear it in their voice. Subtleties. Others probably wouldn’t notice, but in my line of work, the people I see every day – the people whose children I condemn. It’s everyone, every background, every path available in this life – I’ve seen all those who walk them, for I’m the one that puts them there.

A noise jerks me back to reality, a high-pitched buzz, somewhat muted through the plasteel door. Looking up again I see my finger, that elegant bastard with a mind of it’s own, poking at the button. Oh well, there goes that then, decision made.

It took a few minutes before the soft click of the locking mechanism, disengaging, sounded. Long minutes, minutes made up of hours, drawn out, pregnant with suspense. Finally the door slid open, the young face of the new father towering above me by a good foot.

“Hi”, he said, the trepidation in voice belying the sickly smile plastered upon his face. Sticking out his right hand expectantly he introduced himself, “Ryan, you must be Mr Porter? Please, come in.”

I took his hand, his grip firm and bordering on crushing. That squeeze prevalent in many men, the over confidence of physical superiority trying to mask the under confidence of self. I returned the shake, acknowledging him with a nod, the well practiced smile covering my features with the familiarity of a well-worn glove.

“Yes, indeed – but please, call me Robert.” Upon releasing his hand there was the briefest of pauses, an awkward moment of hesitation as if he was taking a last chance to think something through. Then, with a nod of his own he took a step back into the hallway, moving to one side and gesturing for me to enter his home.

“She’s doing well,” he said, “six weeks in and she’s so much easier than my friends would have had me believe. Sophie is so happy, she won’t let her leave her sight. I have to promise to not leave the house every time I manage to take her off her so she can nap, she’s such a worrier – not in a bad way, mind, it’s just that she’s – we’ve – wanted this for so long. It’s like a dream come true.”

He was babbling, the words coming fast, born from both excitement and fear. It was often like this.

Smiling, I reached up to remove my hat, “Well, she is still young, there’s no rush, the trees aren’t going anywhere – you’re both going to have many happy years ahead of you. I never had children myself, but, well here we are. Is she awake?”

“Do you need to see her? I think she’s napping. Sophie’s in with her, but, of course I’ll get her.”

“No no no,” I say, “there’s no need, let her sleep – of course your wife, Sophie, I’ll need to talk to her, there’s, um, much for us to discuss.”

“Yeah,” Ryan breathed out a short sigh – relief? “Sure, please, make yourself comfortable, I’ll be right back – oh, er, drink?”

My mouth was dry, but I could see his nerves were starting to fray. “Thank you, no, I’m good.” I dialled the smile up a notch, trying to project calm reassurance.

“Great!” He yelped, clearly startled at the sudden squeak in his voice, and half fell through the doorway out of the front room as he turned to fetch his wife.

Left alone I had a chance to take in the surroundings. It was a nice apartment, spacious but homely, the décor a contrasting mix of the minimalism of a young professional couple and the encroaching chaos of a new born. I could see the battle between old lives and new was one where the outcome was inevitable. The few pictures that adorned the walls followed a theme – young love, in a variety of exotic locations, boastful but also innocent. Both Ryan and Sophie had led relatively privileged lives. Both coming from a long line of similar genetics, they were fortunate to have been able to follow their parents into comfortable administrative roles in the government. It was clear from my research that this match, as with many others, had been to some extent engineered and encouraged by their forbears. Best chance of a favourable outcome for any prospective children. Carry on the family legacy and all that.

I felt the bile rise in my throat. Shouldn’t this be easier by now? It was, I suppose, when the expectation was less. That thought made me grimace, it shouldn’t matter, it should be about the child and its potential – it should be about the perversion of choice. What did it matter the child’s lineage, the parents hopes? But it did, kind of. It was easier, when there was acceptance. It made it that much easier for me to fool myself that what I was doing was moral. That it was right.

Sitting down on a plush couch I laid my briefcase out on the glass coffee table in the middle of the thick rug. Placing my right thumb on the sensor, the ominous ‘thunk’ of the mag locks releasing seemed like a gun shot in the quiet room. Lifting the lid I looked upon the two manila folders that sat, alone, side by side. On the right was the ‘official’ report, the results of my analysis and genetic forecasting, the extensive and detailed schedule of treatments, the specifics of the gene editing that would cement the child’s place in our society, mould the child into… But on the left, subtly marked in one corner with a red pen, something other. A fabrication, but one that skirted the possibilities of potential. One of hope, one that took a chance at another way. One that bent the rules in dangerous ways, that challenged the status quo. One that would be the end of me – and her – if it failed. Many times I’d been here, but never before had I been so sure, never before had I let my heart follow through.

Before me was a fork in the road – do I take the easy-out? Do I take one step further down the path, one step further away from my soul? Or do I take the path to redemption? It’s a long one, one fraught with peril, commitment, but with the chance of a reformation, to sow the seeds of revolution.

“Robert, hi,” came Sophie’s tired but expectant voice, entering the room before her husband, cradling a yellow blanket in her arms, tiny pink fingers slowly clutching at the air. Tilting her head down, gazing deep into her child’s eyes with all the love of a mother, she smiled.

“This is Hope.”

I reached out a hand towards the case.

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